Sunday, May 31, 2009

HMD#31: Athlete's Foot...

...belongs in his mouth. Or perhaps it should be up his....okay never mind.

As noted in a recent dispatch, there have been a number of scandals and fist fights at the local quasi-Catholic high school, and the Athlete started one of 'em. As was also noted, Princess was not pleased that he did so, and they had a tiff about it that escalated into a full-on fight, wherein he raised his voice and let fly with some expletives.

Princess, being a princess, doesn't do well with that sort of thing. Not that hearing foul language is particularly shocking to her at this stage of the game, but having it directed at her as an outlet or as an unfortunate side of a young adult male meltdown....not so much. As with the gym class brawl, his response was disproportionate to the offense. So she stopped the conversation and post-nuclear winter has set in. He attempted to lobby me for help, I reiterated to him the lack of manners and impropriety of the behavior involved...and he started in on me with the raised voice and language - not a personal attack, but a lot of frustration that no one will agree that his thuggery was justifiable.

Not cool. HeloMom went yard on the boy and set him straight on some basics about how to treat females he cares about - if he wants said females to be part of his life, anyway. Princess was not amused that the Queen was treated with disrespect by the Athlete. That, to her, was worse than his treatment of her. Nobody messes with her HeloMommy. (Hee!)

Dozens of hollow-pologies ("I'm sorry for what I said to you and your mom, but not for what I did to that kid") and as many dozen roses later, Princess is not yielding. He cannot understand why. She has explained that her values and his may be too divergent to make the relationship viable. He is in true distress. She is cordial, but not cuddly. She does not think she can go back to the way things were, because he lacks not just respect for her and/or for her mother, but he lacks sufficient self control to never have "gone there" in the first place. A wise observation. But now what?!?

Prom is in a week.

Are you there vodka? It's me, Kit...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thoughts On The Fallen

It's been about 18 months now since we were all wringing our hands over Fr. Francis Mary Stone's decision to leave the priesthood due to his relationship with a woman he met through his ministry at EWTN. He was about to become a biological father. Yep, he sinned, defied his priestly vows and vocation - and he was publicly bludgeoned for it. He then had to choose between walking away from his vocation and manning up to take moral and financial responsibility for his child and the mother (hopefully his bride by now), or living his vocation by remaining in the priesthood, thereby denying his child - the one innocent involved - a traditional father-child relationship and leaving another single moter out there struggling to raise a child - his child - on her own. I never have and never will condone what got him to the point of having to choose between these options, but I can understand and support what he ultimately did. He's a dad, and he's doing what he can, in his 40's, to start a business and generate enough income to support his family.

THEN there's Fr. Alberto Cutie, the soon-to-be Episcopalian. Caught with his speedo and his grope on. As our dear Fr. Erik points out, he's the worst kind of hypocrite. Becoming a Protestant as a means of getting his cupcake and ea....ok, never mind. You know what I mean. So he's leaving the Church without following the proper laicizing process, hoping to forge ahead as an Episcopalian cleric of some sort, with his concubine-turned-wife at his side grinning and squeezing his....ok, never mind....for the cameras.

Father Oprah? I think not. Nay, I foresee them becoming the Jim & Tammy Faye of Univision. Get thee behind me....

Unlike Dave Stone, Alberto Cutie's defection really pisses me off!!!

(Yeah, yeah...prayers, charity, and all that. This is why I am NOT a religious, it's the bitter, snarky thing...)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

See, was that so difficult?

Today the CA Supreme Court did the right thing.

They interpreted the CA Constitution.

They did not play politically correct games, they didn't let personal feelings and/or minority activist agendas overtake the rule of law. They looked at Proposition 8, which passed by a majority of the popular vote (which took place at the same time as the liberal landslide that was the '08 election), and decided it was constitutional. This is the way it is, and this is the way it should have gone all along.

They didn't retroactively nullify the "summer of love" same-sex marriages that took place last year, or anything "punitive" like that. They pointed out that which has been obvious for many years in California law, for those who'd bother to read and understand it before stripping naked and fornicating in the streets in protest: same-sex couples are entitled to form domestic partnerships which confer upon them the same rights and responsibilities that hetero couples have, just without the term "marriage" applied. For those who feel the need to have a spiritual/religious element applied - go get it "blessed" by your favorite [non-Catholic] minister, rabbi, guru, duck-billed platypus, or what/whoever floats your boat.

So all you crying Castro-ites....get over it. You can still share financial responsibilities, you can share custody, you can duke it out over who gets the Baccarat when the party's over. (Wasn't it mostly about the party in the first place?)

You lost fair and square. Now get on with your lives.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Memorial Day Weekend

Remember the fallen, pray for them, honor their service.

And be glad we have young men like this one on the wall protecting his compatriots and all of us here at home.

(Kid, you may love NY, but I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

HMD #30 - Prayer request

Update #2: The verdict is in - not an osseous tumor...not a lipoma...looks like a traumatic injury but the kid wasn't injured there in recent memory. Very strange.

Update: 48 hours, no result. Dad is a physician, you'd think they'd let him know sooner than us mere mortals. I don't like it.

Gentle readers: the Athlete found a golfball mass on the inner ridge of his shin bone, between the muscle and bone. Not painful, not a result of bruising or other trauma, deep enough that he found it as a result of swatting at something on his leg and had a "wtf is that?" moment. His physician dad sent him in for a bone scan and MRI yesterday. Results should be forthcoming sometime this afternoon.

I'm voting for a lipoma.

In the meantime, this sucks.

More soon,

The Concerned HeloMom

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Fresh from painting the kitchen...

A conundrum for us all to ponder from the "is it me?" category...

Let's take a trip to Theoretical Island, and let's say you're a teacher in a quasi-Catholic school system. Your kid goes to junior prom, then has a bunch of friends over afterwards to hang out in your house/back yard to build a fire and "make s'mores."

Do you:

A. Say no, because it's late, it's prom night, and you never know with kids these days....

B. Say yes, and discreetly monitor the activities to ensure nothing untoward is going on

C. Join in the festivities and provide the alcohol to the 16-18 year olds as well as the graham crackers, marshmallows, and Hershey bars; or

D. Go to bed and tell the kids to have fun while a few dozen teenagers are at your house on prom night, and then feign shock when the cops are beating on your door and arresting drunken teenagers who are rampaging through the neighborhood on 4-wheelers you own and holding beer they got from your fridge?

Okay. Stick with me.

Let's presume, for the sake of argument, that you chose C and/or D.

Should you still be employed by the local (marginally) Catholic Diocesan school system, or perhaps at least be on leave until the investigation is complete and the charges are either proven or dropped?


Saturday, May 16, 2009

What Would Matthew Say?

If he had a spine or was orthodox at all?

The latest proposed gay marriage bill is wending its way through the corrupt corridors of Albany, and we get this predictably weak "statement" of what the Church opposes, but not its titular head in the DOR. No educating, no expounding on the sacramental nature of marriage...just some happy social justice/civil rights crap.

How unrefreshingly typical.

May Daze

Ugh...what a week. For some reason, I stupidly believed that I could repaint my kitchen in 2-3 days.


For starters, I now know that I have a total of 27 cabinets in my kitchen, and 13 drawers. So I had to empty all that, sorting and dumping stuff as I went. You don't want to know what my dining room looks like. The table I was given by my m-i-l when we moved here has four leaves, is 120" long, comfortably feeds 14 adults, and (tightly) manages 20. It is completely covered with pantry contents and my many sets of dishes and glassware. (The butler's pantry, with all the china and crystal, will have to wait...) All the chairs are occupied, too. And the radiator that runs the length of the room. And most of the floor.

At the same time as all this chaos has erupted in my dining room, I am attempting to persuade the 2 y/o that climbing over formerly impassable baby gates to inspect the carnage is BAD. He does not believe me. So far the dogs have broken in and eaten some crackers and, strangely, meat seasoning packets (venison seasoning, sloppy joe mix, and pepper rub - WTH?). Jack keeps slinking around and slithering through the glassware just to mess with my mind, or perhaps cause me to drop dead of a heart attack so he can feast on my fat carcass for a few weeks. No one would find me in there until I started to smell really bad. And even then....


Then there was the patching and sanding. The day I planned to do that, I wrenched something in my lower back while catching the baby gate scaler in mid-vault, got stiff and sore...and had 2 days of sciatica as my reward. In the midst of this, the Athlete texted to me that he was in the school office, having decided to smite some obnoxious kid who routinely badmouths him for dating a freshman during gym class. (Senioritis, anyone?). Had to provide lots of advice and counsel to ensure that privileges such as prom were not revoked, and then had to ensure that Princess did not smite Athlete for his display of fisticuffs, which, while well-intended, was not worth the trouble that ensued. (She thought he could have handled it more rationally, he was incensed that she did not appreciate his defense of her honor after months of snarkiness from that kid).

Then late that afternoon, I finally spackled. It rained for the next 36 hours, so it took forever to dry....and so I waited overnight, then I started sanding that next morning. A mayday call came in from the Princess from a school locker room. She was walking between classes with one of Athlete's wrestler friends, deep in conversation about a very serious alleged incident -- wherein said friend's former girlfriend was taken advantage of by another boy at a party -- when the offending boy crossed paths with them. Wrestler friend (smaller by a foot and about 150 lbs lighter than his target) took the alleged offender out at the legs and proceeded to pound the snot out of him. Princess' horrified screams alerted the faculty, and after several attempts, Wrestler friend was finally pulled off, bloodied knuckles and all, and dragged off to the principal's office. The alleged offender was well and truly pummelled, and had blood flowing from several spots. Princess, having never seen anything close to that kind of violence, was teary, shaking uncontrollably, and had to sit with a nun until I came to fetch her. The nurse's office, the vice-principal's office, and the principal's office were all full of bleeding boys and outraged parents.

So I got the kid home, got the walls primed, then the phone calls from curious kids, parents, and those who hoped to obtain free legal advice started pouring in. Wrestler friend actually showed up late that night to apologize to Princess for scaring her, and proceeded to pour his heart out on my couch for two hours, praying that he will not be expelled, but unashamed of having avenged the outrage perpetrated upon the alleged victim. (I'm just waiting to see how much of this makes the police blotter...and how much is covered up about this party, its attendees, and the alleged incident). I'll let you know how it turns out.

What's the term the Amish use for "spring madness" again? Well it has hit our town and the quasi-Catholic high school with a vengeance.

Oh, yes, and did I mention that I had a brief due as well? What would have taken me 3-4 hours sequestered in my office back in the day, took me about 14 hours over the course of three days, with so many interruptions, derailed trains of thought, and lost bits of legal brilliance and clever word usage....GAAAAHHHH!!!! Not my best work, but it hit the fax machine and went to its destination nonetheless.

Today I was supposed to be putting everything back in the cabinets, reattaching the finished, freshly painted doors, and admiring the pretty new paint job. But no. I still have chaos in the dining room, white primer, and completely untouched cabinet doors and drawers waiting to be done, and three gallons of lovely light blue and coordinating delft blue sitting patiently next to the dishwasher waiting to "transform my [friggin'] space."


Looks like another week of fast food and takeout.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Fr. Corapi on Obama at Notre Dame

H/T: Dearest Thorn

Happy Mother's Day

To all you mammas out there!!!

Children and I are heading to Mass (where I will pray in thanksgiving for the 3 babies I have and for those who I didn't get to meet here, but hope to meet in Heaven, as well as for all of you and your beloved departed moms and grandmothers) then we will head to our friend's restaurant for brunch, then roadtripping off to an outlet mall with the proceeds from my last paycheck of the ain't much, but enough to constitute a little "mad money" :)

What are you ladies doing today? And gents, what are you doing for your ladies?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The ecstasy...and then the agony

Two news stories that I managed to catch today....

1. About time this dirtbag goes down. One wife will get justice, anyway.

and now the one that really upsets and discourages me....

2. Padre Cutie...porque?

18 months ago, it was Fr. Francis. Now Fr. Alberto. More egg on the face of the Church, sure, but what disturbs me most about their stories is how well Satan picks his prey...two very bright men, gifted communicators, role models both aiming for and enaging the young adult segments of our Catholic population...and then they fall so horribly, so publicly, that they leave behind discouraged and disgruntled parishioners and international viewing and listening audiences, and the distinct impression that living up to the obligations and commitments of a priestly vocation is just too difficult for it to be a realistic or viable option.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! [But I didn't say "argh" in my head!]

Pray for these priests...and then follow that old hair-band anthem and Shout At The Devil!

HMD#29 - Boys Don't Cry

But I'm gonna change all that...

HeloMom has done the unthinkable...

The Tall Boy turns 18 in a few weeks, and HeloMom and Princess have come up with the


for our particular Athlete.

(And no, it has nothing to do with offering him my daughter's hand in marriage, nothing to do with her much at all, really....)

We are so proud of ourselves!!!

There will be tears of joy. (There'd better be, or I'll crack him across his shins and make him cry anyway.)

Last time I saw him misty-eyed was at the bedside vigil during the appendix ordeal, when she awoke, kinda scared, and asked for him. One of my favorite moments of these past 6 months, and why we like him so much around here.

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


....unborn babies are worthy of protection (and about $4,500) in the UAE. Maybe the US should pick up on the blood money concept and levy a nice fat tax on abortions and the butchers who provide them...

Now if they could just prosecute Muslim men who behead their Jewish or American captives on live TV or internet stream....

A girl can dream, right?

And the part about not driving during the third trimester? That annoyed me at first, but then again, I really didn't want to do much driving by that time anyway with the size-o-belly I was heaving around thanks to my three beautiful, fat headed children. Maybe the abortion tax could pay for state funded chauffeurs? Maybe I should run for office.

(Nah, I don't think I'm electable.)

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Prom Dress - HMD#28

Yeah, that's it. --->

What there is of it.

Any questions?


Please don't snark at me.

The Beloved is up in arms.

The Athlete is enchanted.

I need a Xanax.

Helo Mom out.

[Cold, with any luck.]

Sunday, May 3, 2009


I love Big Lots...the me of 10 years ago wouldn't have been caught dead in a place like that (never set foot in a WalMart until after I got married, either), but I'm smarter and cheaper now, and besides, I needed random garden and cleaning supplies. Where better to find such things, along with discontinued toiletries and strange shelf-dated foodstuffs?

Anyway, I was tooling along and snapped up one of my all-time fave movies about one of my all-time fave Saints on DVD - one that I've had a bad VHS copy of for years, having taped it on the AMC channel....

A Man for All Seasons.....THREE BUCK$!!! The late, great Paul Scofield as St. Thomas More. Oscar for best pic of 1966. Awesome!

If you haven't seen it, make haste to thy local Big Lots!!! (Or queue it up in your Netflix account, you high techies out there!)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Helo Mom's Deep Thought of the day...dispatch #27 I said to one of my college friends who tracked me down on Facebook:

"Simple Minds....simpler times."

This was my summation after a long discussion about the upcoming Prom experience.

I sat with another mom at a track meet yesterday and got an earful about what will happen before, during, and after the Prom. The expenses, the expectations, the resort, the limos, the $500 dresses, Armani tuxes, the coed sleepover keg parties that all the "cool" kids have (courtesy of their parents) at various lake houses and hotels owned, rented, and handed over to minors by these consenting adults....

I like this lady quite a bit, so I was stunned when she sat there blithely talking on and on about all of these extravagances as though it were no big deal, it's part of the experience, rite of passage, etc. My jaw was scraping the bleachers and she just laughed at me for being naive about the whole thing. You can call me a lot of things. A Pollyanna ain't one of 'em, however. It just irks me.

What happened to a night at the local banquet hall with a dj, a decent but not haute couture gown, a questionably fitted powder blue rental tux, borrowing Dad's car, and not having sex as a matter of [inter]course before showing up back at home sometime 12-24 hours after the dance ends?

Not that I was a saint by any stretch back in the day, but c'mon! I went to a big suburban high school in a fairly upscale area, and many of us came from well-to-do backgrounds and yet...we worked for and bought (and the more artistic types even made) our own dresses and got our dance tickets with our own money. Limos were an extravagant exception - not a "norm" - and whatever underaged drinking (and more) went on was generally NOT with our parents' blessing. (We had older siblings who came in handy for buying the booze.)

Helllloooooo....PARENTS!?! Maybe instead of enabling and encouraging all this narcissistic, hedonistic behavior, you could be, oh...I dunno, PARENTS...and say no or set some limits for your little darlings? Not that it necessarily worked on us 20+ years ago, but instead of signing on for all of it like this mom did, it stuns me that there is no desire to TRY to be the moral compass for these kids. Being the "cool mom" who spits out $20's like an ATM machine for all this nonsense is so much better.

Thank God my Princess and her teetotalling Athlete are adorable but nerdy not-so-cool kids who plan to be home at 12:30. Seriously. I don't care if they crash out on the couch watching chick flicks or ESPN all night or if he drops her at the door and dashes home, but there's been no question of how the night will go. The kid told me the itinerary, when the dance ends, how far it is from home, and what time they will get back here. The dance is 5 weeks away, and he's got it all planned out without my having had to ask.

Now if we could just find "the" dress.....