HMD #39 - Dusting off the Rotors

Yes! HeloMom lives...


Well, even as the continuing scarcity of time to post persists, the amount of activity here at the hangar has picked up again.


Updates:

1. Athlete continues to carry a torch from afar, but has bungled matters beyond repair. More on that in a minute.


2. Westley, the Beautiful Stranger, has made his long-term intentions known. He leaves December 1st for boot camp. He acknowledges that he is 18, and the Princess is not yet 16, which makes matters difficult. She is otherwise engaged at the moment (I toldja, more on that in a minute!) But he vows that he will foray into his new career, excel, and return for her when she's ready. (Talk about Semper Fi!) She is "beautiful, smart, driven, and will make some very lucky man a fine wife." Hopefully his, apparently. This may sound far out there, but there's a look in the boy's eye....a stoic, solid and determined one....he's a neighbor of the Royal Grandparents....so there's no doubt that he's coming back. He's a lifer.


3. The Beautiful Bad Boy is, indeed, bad. He took a lot of heat from the "cool" kids for having a crush on the Princess, who is too much of a good girl for his taste. He still stares at her all the time, but won't speak to her lest his friends tease him, and so as stupid teenage boys do to throw others off the scent, he has behaved boorishly to her at a few school dances (she does not do the sex-with-clothes-on "grinding" that is prevalent nowadays) by sandwiching her with his football friends and "grinding" her between their respective pelvises. (In the real world, it would be a misdemeanor form of sexual battery, quite frankly, and the school has heard my thoughts on this specific incident as well as the general permissiveness regarding this form of "dance" that is unattractive anywhere...but unpardonable in a quasi-Catholic high school setting...) She is disgusted and says no matter how gorgeous, smart, athletic, and popular he is..."he's a pig, and I don't want him to ever [expletive] touch me again." The expletive part is pretty serious business coming from her.

And now.....

Enter The Beautiful Music[ian].

As some of you may have seen on my accursed Facebook page, there's a new boy in town. A boy whose family transfered to Boston last year, so he and the Princess did not meet until he persuaded his parents to allow him to come back here to the middle of nowhere so he might finish off high school with the friends he's known since preschool. His very nice mom agreed to leave the family manse in Boston, rented a small place here, and they commute back to see dad (an ER doc, so he doesn't get to travel here as much) at least once a month.

From about mid-September on, I kept hearing about this cute and nice boy who came back for his senior year. He was touted as smart, cute (again with the cute...), Catholic (whew! finally...), quite popular among his fellow seniors, and very musically talented - in addition to performing in various state competitions, he composed several percussion ensembles and won awards and one earned a professional performance in NYC when he was in 10th grade here, and another was performed in Boston last year. She mentioned her admiration to a mutual friend (under pain of death, not-to-be-repeated...) so of course by the next day (a Friday), he contacted her out of the blue and asked her if she was going to the big soccer game that evening.

"Of course!"

The kid has never been to a high school soccer game in her life.

Especially when said soccer game was on a Friday/away-football-game night.

But she managed to wheedle her way (via me and my trusty Volvo wagon) into going to the soccer game, where she sat with him for exactly 38 minutes before we had to speed off to a miserable rainy football game over an hour away. (We made it in 50 minutes. Just sayin'). He left for Boston the next day, so a marathon textathon ensued for the entire Columbus Day weekend.

By Tuesday morning, he was (figuratively) on bended knee, asking her to be his main squeeze AND to go with him to the winter formal...which isn't until sometime after Christmas. He's asked us all to come to Boston and stay in the family compound at some point during Christmas vacation. Youthful exuberance and pupy love? Not this kid. He's smart, grounded, and very serious...but with just the right amount of humility to be endearing. Seems he spotted our Princess within the first week of school and was weak-kneed, but never thought she'd be interested in the drummer kid who just showed back up from Boston. He confided about his enchantment immediately after first seeing her to exactly one person - the mutual friend - also under threat of bodily harm. When the friend blabbed to him that she was equally intrigued, he was thunderstruck. Then they talked for hours and hours, and he now says he was tempted to hop on a bus if he had to in order to get back here to see her in person and ask her out lest someone else suddenly swoop in and steal her (now he knows better - she's selective and not easily swayed).

They've been virtually inseperable ever since. He comes over and helps her with her trig homework. They take the baby for long walks along the river. When faced with a choice of a kegger-bonfire with his pals or trick-or-treating with his girlfriend's younger siblings, he came here - and stayed to watch the World Series. He turned off his cell phone when all the "where are you - why aren't you here - we're all gettin' wasted" texts got to be too annoying. He likes to bring mom (a real estate broker turned stay-at-home commuter mom) when he comes over, so the work-widow moms can have tea and grown up chat while the kids do homework together at the dining room table. What more could a HeloMom want in a new boyfriend for her Princess?

How about less than a two-year gap.

Now for the painful part....he's just submitted all of his paperwork for an early decision at NYU's music school, and his prospects are excellent. So whatever may develop over the next several months, there is a finite aspect to this story - he will leave after graduation, and he will very likely not return. HeloMom has discussed this with the Princess. She does not like to think about it. Not now.

HeloMom hopes that these two nice kids have a wonderful time together for as long as may be. They've got a lot in common, they're very sweet together, there's no drama...just lots of mutual respect and admiration, and plenty of romance brewing. HeloMom just wondering how everyone will deal with the inevitable end of their story.

Until next time...

HM out.

HMD #38 - I'm ba-a-a-a-ack.....

Remember me? Yes, the HeloMom is still without her laptop (a hard business for a late-night, before-bed authoress..my library downstairs is a fishbowl and so darn cold at night!) but a new school year is upon us and there is much to discuss. So I'm sitting downstairs at the desktop because I love...and because I decided to go to cheater Mass at 5 and have some free time on my hands. :)

Anyhoo.....

You'll recall, dear friends, the Beautiful Liar-Beautiful Stranger dilemma. I'll get to that. But first....

Enter the Beautiful Bad Boy.

Our favorite Athlete has gone off to college, a mere 45 minutes away. He still pines. He still loves. When he can think of a good reason, he texts and/or calls. And there are some great reasons - he's made the school's Ultimate Frisbee club (very competitive, apparently), as well as auditioning for slots as the student radio station's sports announcer - got it - and television sports anchor - got the secondary spot. Not bad for a freshman in his first month of school. We are very proud of him, and the Princess is genuinely thrilled at all of these accomplishments. Her tall friend is hitting his stride, has girls throwing themselves at his feet....but his heart is still back here in the middle of nowhere, NY.

Westley is still quietly pitching woo - but the Princess is not catching on. When the Beloved came for a back-to-school visit, he asked for - and received - permission to court the Princess. The catch: the Princess has to say yes. She has skirted the issue, and with good reason. Westley also discussed his plans to enlist in the USMC with the Beloved (who, as some of you may recall, is retired USMC and spent three dreadful years as a recruiter). This has caused the Princess to be quite reluctant to pursue any sort of relationship with Westley, beyond very basic friendship. He is 18, he's darling, he's a good boy from a very conservative Christian family....but.....it's just not clicking. Nevertheless, Westley has stated that he is content to wait and see if she changes her mind. He appeared unexpectedly with flowers and a card because she had a bad back-to-school cold last week after cheering at a chilly football game during a nasty, steady downpour. He came to Friday's home game to sit with me and some other family members, and escorted her safely back to the car. The young man is smitten, and he seems very patient and determined. The Princess' exact words: "he'd be a lot cuter if he wasn't leaving town..."

And now, there's the third player in the saga...the Bad Boy. He is actually not a truly "bad" kid, just very snarky and cocky...and a seriously talented standout football player in his junior year. Another tall, lanky kid who does double duty as a running back and a linebacker. Honor student, has a fraternal twin (who's definitely the "good" twin"), is very popular...but his sarcastic, cutting sense of humor is a bit much for even some of his best friends to handle. Princess has known him since junior high, they were on the same Youth Court team until this year...he was quite put out when she was reassigned and promoted to a judge position last month (ha! hooray!) while he remains a prosecutor, despite having an extra year of experience on the team. He's never given her much thought or a second look. Until now. He looks at her all the time, but (for once) says nothing.

And she's been looking back. Her fellow cheerleaders have noticed - most recently, when she was practicing her new "flying" job this past week and nearly fell/was dropped when the football coach screamed at the Bad Boy by name to get his @$$ back over to the team and away from the girls. She was startled, he was mortified. The next day, the boys finished practice early, but the girls were still at it. She and her base group stayed late to ensure she had the dismounts under control. She was struggling, but then the other girls saw Bad Boy and his cronies watching from the parking lot, told her he was there, turned and faced her towards the parking lot....and suddenly she was making superstar leaps, twists, and graceful landings. Her coach gave her a raised-eyebrow smirk and said she was possibly the biggest cheeseball she'd ever seen. All were laughing.

So what's the hold-up with this kid?!?

As with your typical cocky ultra-popular high school kid who has a crush on a younger, less-popular, but cute-as-heck girl....he's not sure what to do. She's smart. She's pretty. She's a cheerleader. She's a judge as a 10th - not 12th - grader. She sits on all sorts of school and county-wide youth committees where selection is based on merit, not popularity. BUT..... He's friends with a few older brothers of the Princess' tormentors, and has heard all sorts of strange rumors (fabricated and generated by the nasty girls). However, he has also spent enough time in her general vicinity outside of school to question what's been said about her. Yet at the same time...is it worth risking your reputation to give this girl a chance? It's a very "Pretty in Pink" - like scenario. (Except for the blue collar vs. upper-middle class theme... they're on fairly equal footing there.)

After this past weekend's first victory (in which Bad Boy played a major role), the varsity football players and cheerleaders had a bonfire party (dry, for once...). Princess sat on a rock near the fire talking with a few of her teammates. Bad Boy stood directly across the fire pit from her, staring intently...but looked away quickly every time she caught his eye. And then he left without saying a word.

The Princess is petulant, and intends to get to the bottom of this strange behavior. As she put it, "Who the heck does he think he is? Mr. Darcy?"

One can only hope...

HeloMom is not yet equipped to deal equably with a Wickham.

Will report in with any new developments.

HM out.

Oh...say it ain't so, Bishop Martino!

I am inexpressibly sad to learn that Bishop Martino of Scranton has resigned. This article is infuriating - Teddy Kennedy was a more prominent Catholic figure than our Bishops, true, but somehow the author seems to imply or equate prominence with moral authority. And while the author hints at a divide with the Vatican and Bp. Martino, where's the explanation?

I'm just sick at heart.

I need a physical and spiritual Tums. Gotta ponder and pray. What's next? Who's next?

Comment away, friends - because I don't get this at all.

HMD #37 - Court-Date

Well some professional obligations are keeping HM quite busy of late, but here's the overdue update on the Westley-Buttercup ice-cream social:

1. Nice, well mannered young man. HM likes him.

2. His first "date" ever. He just turned 18.

3. His parents allowed him to go, but he pointedly neglected to tell his older siblings he went out to meet over ice cream with a...gulp...Catholic girl. One who is a cheerleader and wears the short-skirted uniform at that.

4. He is pondering the USMC but is concerned it will interfere with his Christian values and obligations.

5. No dancing allowed by his pastor or his parents.

6. He is not a fan of some of the #5-like rules and regs of his very fundamentalist Baptist upbringing.

7. He asked if she had any objections to dating a Protestant, she said not as long as said Protestant has any objections to dating a Catholic.

8. They plan to have another meeting when he returns from family vacation next week.

We shall see - HM thinks these are two very good kids who, while virtuous and religious in their own respective faiths, are too different for any sort of relationship to be successful beyond being friends. Maybe boot-camp penpals.

HM has been wrong about such matters before. The Athlete leaves for college in 3 weeks and intends to persist from afar.

Sigh.....

HMD #36: Question of the week

If you are a Princess, do you choose to remain with a Beautiful Liar (Beyonce, Beyonce...Shakira, Shakira)...or do you take a chance on a Beautiful Stranger (Madonna, Madonna)???



The Beautiful Liar



More drama with the belaguered Princess/Athlete duo...another spat erupted over the original lying episode. The Princess, whether sadly or luckily, has inherited her mother's cross-examination skills and is now tending to pick apart even the most mundane statements the Athlete makes and stories he tells, because she has a hard time believing him. It is good that she spots these things, but it's not exactly her most endearing trait. She's caught him in some pretty glaring inconsistencies more than a few times. All I can say is that it's a painful process to watch them both go through.



He's not helping matters - the more defensive he gets, the more likely it is that he's not being completely candid or accurate. He admits it eventually, but not before making her feel guilty for not believing him ("I can't believe you think so little of me...") - even when he knows he's not telling the whole truth. She nailed him for being emotionally manipulative as well as dishonest, and rightly so. And so here we are...five days, several dozen roses, countless texts, and scores of profuse apologies later. She remains sequestered in her garret on the 3rd floor, while he stands on his family's hillside across the river, gazing over at our 'hood and missing her.



To his credit, he's recognized that much of this petty dishonesty stems from hiding information from very strict and unyielding parents, and he's making strides by being more open with them, even when it means he isn't allowed to go places he might have otherwise gone under cover of going to a movie with friends, etc. It's a tough behavior to change. He swears he's trying. I hope he's being honest about that, at any rate. However, for now, and perhaps for good, they are on boyfriend-girlfriend hiatus again.



The Beautiful Stranger



In other news, the Royal Grandparents have acquired the teen-yard-slave services of a fine-looking, well-raised, and respectable young man...let's call him Westley....who spotted our Princess (Buttercup?) flitting about barefoot in the garden in one of her cute little sundresses, blonde tresses blown about by the breeze, laughing and chasing her little brother through the beanstalks. (This was a few weeks ago, during the first break-up period.) I was sitting on the porch swing and watched him stop dead in his tracks, crane his head forward...I SAW the poor boy's jaw drop open, but then he recollected himself, turned away (and saw me smirking as he did so), grabbed the rake he'd come out back to get, and practically ran back around to the front of the house to keep working with King Grandpa. We ate dinner, but young Westley remained outside because he hadn't finished his work and didn't want to intrude, despite numerous invitations to join us. When we were done, he came in to check with King Grandpa about the next day's agenda, but fell silent when the Princess came into the kitchen with a stack of plates. She (unaware of his interest in her) smiled, said hello, and offered to prepare him a plate now that he'd finished working. He smiled back and very politely declined, because his mother was holding dinner for him at home...but then clever Queen Grandma mentioned that Princess had prepared one of the side dishes. He promised to try what she'd made when he came back the next day. :)



Apparently he's smitten. He made some discreet inquiries the next day and asked Queen Grandma a number of questions about the Princess, her intereests, her grades, the state of her soul, etc., and then asked King Grandpa for his permission to speak to me about possibly COURTING the Princess, as the Beloved is not here for him to ask properly. Yep. He gets it. He's a hybrid-homeschooler. Another half-Catholic, half [fundamental Baptist of some sort] boy with a very conservative upbringing. Just got done with his high school work a year early and is pondering college vs. enlisting in the USMC when he turns 18. (Former Marine King Grandpa is skipping about with joy and whistling the Marine Corps hymn...Queen Grandma is dropping all sorts of little hints via email and phone call about how gorgeous these two blondes would be as a couple...) He is a very handsome boy, the Royal Grandparents have raved about him and what a good kid and hard worker he is, and the Princess admits he's....interesting. Young Westley confirmed to Queen Grandma that he approves of Princess Buttercup's culinary abilities as well as her overall appearance, demeanor, and toddler-wrangling skills. Queen Grandma heard about the latest "off-again" incident and gave him our home number yesterday. He indicated that he would be making use of it in the very near future.



So the question remains. Should she stand by her Beautiful Liar and hope he does some growing up and character building, or invite the Beautiful Stranger over for a chaperoned dinner or perhaps an ice cream cone outing with the family?



Hard to know....all HeloMom does know is that she needs some Jimmy Buffett-esque boat drinks....

To the Little Boy

Dearest Little Boy,

It's me, Mamma.

Please start talking to Mamma. I'd love to hear your little voice saying stuff to Mamma. The hooting, squealing, giggling, and screeching are good.

"I love you, Mamma" would be great.

The nice speech therapy ladies always tell me how much they love you. But it's nowhere near how much I love you. And even though you haven't said so, I know how much you love Mamma and Dadda and your big sissy and your glasses-having sissy, because your oh-so-tight hugs, sweet and gentle kisses, babba and Sesame Street-time snuggles, and neck-sniffing nuzzles are nothing short of phenomenal. They tell me all I need to know, but there's so much more I want to know...and I can't wait for you to tell me all about so many, many things.

But guess what? Even if you never say a word, I will love you forever beyond measure.

Just thought you should know.

xxxooo,
Mamma

HMD #35....Denouement

Well, well, well.....look who's back in business!

Sort of.

We had a rollercoaster ride of a holiday weekend around here. The weather finally became tolerable (sun, low 70's) in time for the 4th, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the rest of this week, as we have houseguests who deserve to get out and see more than toddler tv on the flatscreen all week. That said, the heater is still kicking on at night because the house temperature sinks to less than 60*. The Boy is wearing thermal jammies, and the down blankies are still on all the beds...but the sleeping weather, I must say, is excellent.

Anyway.

Since writing the last HMD, we have had a sad, angry Princess who refused to discuss the Tall One Who Must Not Be Named at all. And if the subject arose, she got quite nasty and slitty-hatey-eyed, and ran from the room. This got HeloMom thinking. You know...the old adage that the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. So, one night last week, I finally cornered her, (sitting on a stool in her full length flannel nightie sipping on a cup of tea to warm up in July...snort!) shortly before midnight and employed my best interrogation/cross examination skills and got her talking.

Very reluctantly, very slowly, through lots of tears, she admitted that she felt like she had a huge hole through her midsection - she was missing a big (okay, maybe tall) part of herself - her best friend. But she couldn't let go of being angry at him for betraying her by lying and letting her down, as her former pack of female friends had done before him. We examined what the lies were about (really more a matter of "been there, done that"-style exaggerations and boasts to impress her by making himself seem "cooler"), and eventually agreed that while BAD to do, they didn't really revolve around anything more than his own insecurities and relative immaturity. He wasn't lying about anything material or detrimental to her, to their relationship, or anything of serious consequence. The real consequences came back down on him - he has been despondent, and, as he put it one day while finishing up yardwork "I hate myself far more than she could ever hate me for what I did..."

When I thought the conversation was over, she looked at me with tears pouring down and said "WHY? Why did he do this? Why didn't he know that I loved [!] him already the way he was and he didn't need to impress me?!?" I told her I could not answer, and suggested she ask him those questions herself and tell him how she felt, just as she'd told me. She handed the cell phone to me and demanded that I summon him immediately (She might as well have ended it "...to my Presence Chamber"). I should have made her do it herself, really, but she was afraid he'd say no to her (doubtful) and would listen to me.

So - sucker, hopeless romantic, or overly meddlesome parent that I am - I sent the text at 11:55. He arrived at 11:59. He lives about 7 minutes away.

When I opened the door, he walked into the kitchen, and she was nowhere to be found. He eventually followed the sound of sniffles into a dining room, where she was on a chair, curled into a little flannel ball. He walked over, cradled her, and carried her out to the living room where they talked everything out for the next hour. When I peeked in, she was fast asleep, snuggled up against him. He looked more relieved than overjoyed.

They have both apologized and forgiven, and are going to try again, with the proviso that when he leaves for college, each may date other people, so long as they advise the other in advance.

HeloMom is cautiously optimistic. We are currently debating Transubstantiation via text message while he's lifeguarding, and she's taking accelerated geometry with a tutor. He has befriended Padre Pyro on Facebook and may go straight to the source for better information than an amateur apologist like me can provide.

Sigh....

P.S. For Old Bob - HIGH FIVE!!!

HMD #34 - The End of the Affair

Yes, I'm afraid it's true. Our favorite young couple is no more, as of this past Monday evening. Nearly 8 months of mostly fun, mixed with a fair amount of frustration, has come to a peaceful end. Mostly peaceful, anyway.

There was no big "incident" - no cheating, no new boy or girl, no more shouting, no would-be chivalrous fistfights....nope, nothing like that. It came down to a few seemingly trivial episodes of exaggeration and lying about something of no consequence when it would have been much easier to tell the truth.

Something clicked in our Princess' head. "If he would lie to me about something this silly now, what won't he lie about? And will happen when he leaves for school?"

All the respect and trust they worked so hard to build up - and did - despite all the many obstacles, questions, and objections along the way...was lost over a few boastful statements and one really stupid lie that was easily proven false, and which he admitted was a dumb thing to do. But too little, too late. With all the other recent issues that have cropped up, she decided it was enough.

She gently, but firmly, let him know that she thought it would be best if they didn't date anymore, and tried to scale back to where they always got on well, as good friends. She said he was literally gasping for air as she said the words, and she felt terrible. She still does. He didn't argue or try to negotiate, but accepted her decision and told her he did not blame her for what she'd decided. They promised to keep the matter private between them and that they would not bad-mouth each other.

She's spent the week taking exams, while he was home absorbing the shock, working at his two lifeguarding jobs, and kicking himself for making a series of blunders that led to this final outcome.

Graduation was this past Friday. She still attended the ceremony, and they went to three parties over the weekend, each one less awkward than the one before, and tonight he stopped by with the now-heartbreakingly gorgeous formal prom pictures from the dance two weeks ago. They really did make a stunning couple, and they really do like each other a lot.

He has been a gentleman and has accepted defeat gracefully, but he has not conceded the war. He vows he will win her trust and respect again, even if he does not win her back. "She's the love of my life, whether or not I'm the love of hers." I thought this was a bit grandiose (aren't they always, at 18?), but he reminded me that his mother is only the third girl his dad ever dated, while his dad was mom's fifth. They are apparently a highly selective lot. "A mater, not dater" as the saying goes. Princess was his #4. I have no doubt he will find a #5, but try telling that to a heartbroken young man. He will be down and out for awhile. As will she.

She says - and wisely for one who is 15 - that she gave this a great deal of thought, and as one who prefers the idea of courting to dating, she could not see any point to dragging things out over the summer, wondering if this past month was an anomaly or if these basic character questions would keep coming up. When she realized she didn't want them both to remain miserable as she tried to figure this out, it finally hit home that this very nice, usually well-mannered boy is simply not the right one for her at present, nor will he be "the one" in her future. However, she feels very strongly that he will be a part of her life, in some way, for a very long time. She has not been happy this week. There's been no sense of relief, no giddiness, and there's been less-than-zero interest in all of the offers that have started flowing in from other boys ("Vultures!" as she so scathingly put it...), and less than her usual quest for perfection in the hair and makeup department. She is mourning and missing him, but she knows it is truly over. She also knows herself better now than she did back in November, and she knows that it will be a long time before she's open to the thought of getting to know anyone new, or letting them get to know her as deeply as our Tall Boy has done. She's shuttering her inner Princess from the outside world's view, and it pains a Helo Mom to see it.

HeloMom hates to see so much sadness on both sides of this breakup. I don't think there's much hope for any sort of romantic reunion, but then again... quien sabe? They may surprise us someday. But not anytime soon.

I'm very proud of them both for handling this with the amount of mutual respect that they've shown thus far. I hope and pray it continues.

And so ends the HeloMom Chronicles. Perhaps a post-script here and there....

Until next time.

Happy Mother's Day

To all you mammas out there!!!

Children and I are heading to Mass (where I will pray in thanksgiving for the 3 babies I have and for those who I didn't get to meet here, but hope to meet in Heaven, as well as for all of you and your beloved departed moms and grandmothers) then we will head to our friend's restaurant for brunch, then roadtripping off to an outlet mall with the proceeds from my last paycheck of the semester....it ain't much, but enough to constitute a little "mad money" :)

What are you ladies doing today? And gents, what are you doing for your ladies?

Helo Mom Dispatch #24 - At Last...

...the Princess has caved and is allowing the Athlete to tell the world that they are an "official" item. The sick nonsense from last week was the last straw - the barn door is open, the cows are everywhere, the pigs are snorting, and the jackasses will continue to bray.*

Why fight it?

So she's decided to paint the barn red and build a fence around it. She invited the Athlete over last night to have a "serious talk" - he was visibly terrified when he showed up - and, after a few terms and conditions were set forth, she told him she was all his and no longer cares who knows about it. He accepted and looked like he was floating...and taller than he already is...when he left. Even HeloMom got grabbed up into a bear hug as he left for home.

Privately, I wonder what will happen at the end of August. It is going to be terrible when he leaves for college.

Pleased but pensive HeloMom...out.


*Yes, that's a snide and nearly literal reference to the relative sizes and characteristics of the pack of girls responsible...and as a well-nourished and outspoken woman myself, I don't make size or b**ch cracks lightly. But when a 200 lb. + kid calls my 119'er "fat" and a sexually active 14 year old accuses my unassailed 15 year old of being an unchaste abortion-haver, well...all bets are off. (See why I keep things relatively anonymous here?)

Totally Self-Indulgent Monday

Today I did something I haven't in [...pondering...] many years. I sat helping the Beloved pack his gear for his new-job required trip back into the periphery of hell (aka, somewhere in the Middle East) and then...

...I sprawled out on my bed, spread eagled, stared at the ceiling...and cried. No bawling, no sobbing, nothing unseemly or overwrought. Just unstoppable, silent leakage.

Why?

Well, it just hit me that there's a wee Boy who, at nearly two, still doesn't talk much. I wondered what will be going on in his clearly busy little brain when he realizes Daddy is not here after tomorrow.

Every day when the girls get home from school and he hears the side-door open, he flings his toys down and flies over to see who's there. He's always happy to see the girls, but the sun cannot blaze any brighter in the sky than the goofy 8-fanged grin that he sports when Daddy's home. It is always accompanied by a belly-laugh and almost always a special man-cub growl...("It's Daddy! Party time....let's get ready to ru-u-u-u-m-m-m-mble!") "Mamm-mmma!" gets a special love-grin and a giggle that's all my own, and I love it. But I wonder how long it will be until I hear the Daddy laugh again, or if he will still do it the same way when the Beloved comes back home. And I don't know the answer to either question. Nor do I know how to navigate the recesses of the non-verbal toddler mind to answer the clearly present but unspoken questions that I will inevitably see etched on his beautiful little face when it's "just" Mommy or a siss-s-s-s-s-eee coming through that door.

A sad and pensive stretch ahead here in our corner of the middle of nowhere, I fear.

Please keep the Beloved, his mission abroad, and ours here at home in your prayers.

Prayers for the parish family...

...at Holy Name Cathedral in Chicago, which was devastated by fire earlier today. It's a grand old place - went to Mass there on special occasions and weekend treks into the city when I was young. Hate to see news like this.

Helo Mom Dispatch #12 - Christmas at the Hangar

Oh dear....here we go....

Snow day yesterday - no school - and an extra day of Christmas vacation. Woo hoo! The Athlete came over in the early afternoon to watch as we baked cookies and to exchange gifts with the Cheerleader. She bought him a tie with his favorite NFL team's logo (for school uniform use) and made him an ornament to commemorate the excellent state semi-final football season of 2008. He gave her perfumed lotion to go along with her daily scent...wait for it...."Princess." Both were pleased, and I believe there may even have been a quick mistletoe incident while I was in the kitchen between cookie batches, and they were running interference for me with the baby.

They sat on the couch talking and laughing for several hours while I baked, covering topics ranging from sports to doll collecting, and she schooled him in the finer techniques of driving a cat crazy with a laser pointer and a pinch or two of catnip. All in all, they had a great afternoon together.

Then....disaster struck. He left later on in the evening and then called her immediately after he got home to let her know he'd just gotten his first college acceptance letter. She was thrilled and congratulated him...and then I watched the realization hit her.

Now it's getting too "real" - the age issue is back to the forefront.

She sat down slowly, became quiet and rather pale, and they talked for an hour, during which time she assured him that he was free to date other girls his own age whether now or when he leaves for college, she would not expect him to wait or remain tied to our little north of nowhere town simply because of her. He would hear none of it, assuring her that was a bridge they could cross later, and they should just enjoy the present together and sort the rest when the time comes.

Seems that now she's finally starting to feel attached, the thought of detaching is too much to bear. And she has a valid point.

They will both have plenty of time to ponder these issues - he is leaving to spend a week with the family in warmer climes, while we have a houseful of nieces and nephews coming in to ski by day and hit the local wineries by night. I will be purchasing extra chocolates and pocket kleenex packs for the Royal stocking today. I think we're gonna need ample supplies of both.

So...will there be a Happy New Year for our young crush-birds? Or will the Helo Mom be hanging it up for awhile?

Stay tuned, my friends....

Helo Mom Dispatch #9 - Mom Needs A Chiropractor

My neck keeps snapping back and forth, you see.

The Beloved remains steadfast in his disapproval. However, he did "bend" a little and indicated that he'd be interested to see the Athlete in action at the next wrestling match (at 6'5"/189 lbs. it must be quite a spectacle), and wanted to know when that might be.

WHOA! That's progress!

However....

The Cheerleading Princess is horrified at the thought, because she is leaning toward putting the kibosh on the whole non-relationship.

Reason?

CALUMNY

The small-town, even smaller-school rumor mill has suddenly been set ablaze, and the two of them are at the center of it. One of the Athlete's former upperclassman girlfriends is spreading vicious rumors about the "easy" freshman and the "desperate" senior. A fellow freshman girl who has a senior interested in her stated loudly at the lunch table that she'd never even consider dating a senior, "unlike some people." Her cheerleader friends are teasing her more than ever - there's a lot of dating crossover between the Athlete's friends and the cheerleading squad, as one might imagine. A teacher has asked even her about it, and volunteered to intercede and help her break things off if she'd like assistance because she's feeling "pressured" by an older boy.

After being targeted by that pack of mean girls for over a year now, the Princess goes into meltdown mode whenever she discovers that people are talking about her behind her back - she was in tears most of the evening. "I just wanted a new start in high school! I wanted to be invisible! I don't want people I don't know and who don't know me gossipping about me!" The usual platitudes about jealous girls, immature teenagers, high school drama starting and ending quickly, and being the bigger person don't work. She's extremely sensitive, and not without some justification given what she's been through. It's such a shame to see something that has been sweet and innocent turned ugly, and a kid turning away from the good to protect herself from the bad.

The odd thing is, nothing's changed between the two of them and they haven't seen each other outside of school since the infamous night at the movies. He has made no secret of his admiration for her, but has also told his friends that although they talk quite a bit, they are NOT dating due to the age issue and parental interdict. Why all hell broke loose on an otherwise average Wednesday remains a mystery.

So, will their association survive the scandal....or will they part ways?

Stay tuned....

Helo Mom out.

Not a prayer request I wanted to make...

...but please keep our dear Thorn and family close in your prayers.

Too verklempt to continue.

Prayers for Mrs. Martin

Stephanie's mom is heading home to be with our dear Lord. The hour is imminent.

Please pray for Dorothy, and for our dear Digi and family.

As we enter into Advent today, let this be a special time of hope and peace for your family, amiga, until you meet again.

And you thought I was kidding...

Sadly, our #6 team lost a tough game to the #1 team (which, incidentally, just dropped down one Class to our dinky-school division this past season). The Cheerleader was brave until we got to the car, and then she burst into tears because the season's over, and because she saw the stricken faces of all the boys as they walked off the field. It really was wretched.

Given the sharp decline in enrollment (there are 2 seniors for every freshman at the school) and the fact that they already had 9 players doing double duty on offense and defense, only 6 returning juniors and not enough kids to field a JV squad after a few got hurt or quit...well...saying "we'll be back next year" is hollow rhetoric indeed. The curtain is slowly descending on both the football program and the school. It is very sad.

Digitribute - Dia De Los Muertos

Thanks, Stephanie - this means more than I can say...

"Eddie" is my beloved grandma, who died last yeat just after her 90th birthday. I was too pregnant to travel to her funeral, which crushed me. She taught me how to play cards when I was very young, and she patiently allowed me to beat the snot out of her every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and summer vacation for about 20 years. (We never got to get serious about bridge, though, because we didn't have sufficient numbers of partners). I was a social butterfly and party animal in high school and college, but all invites were turned down if Grandma was in town. When we interred her ashes last summer, my b-i-l, a marble and stone guy, made her a little casket just so we could place a mini bottle of Jim Beam, a crossword puzzle, and a deck of well worn cards in with her. I was the only one in the family who knew of those last wishes - and I made damn sure I honored those promises I made to her as a teenager.

What saddens me most about her death was that she fell away from the Faith during WWII and was too angry to come back, even as the end approached. My biological grandfather left her, my mom, and uncle for a French field nurse he met while overseas during the war. Instead of reuniting with her husband at the end of the war, she received divorce papers instead. She remarried in the early 1950's and had two more sons with Bob, my late grandpa. Her parish priest "excommunicated" her (I know, I know...) and would not allow her to set foot in the church. Annulments were expensive and near-impossible to obtain back then. She spent the rest of her life angry and feeling not good enough/unwanted by the Church, which was a terrible blow to the family. My great-grandmother's family was an extremely devout French-Canadian family (parishioners of Ste Anne de Beaupre for over 100 years until she married and emigrated to the USA), and my great-grandmother was devastated by what transpired, both the divorce and the subsequent, less-than charitable treatment of my grandmother. She ensured that my mom and her brothers attended Catholic school and brought them to Mass each week so she could pray for my grandma while simultaneously glaring daggers at that parish priest in the southwest suburbs of Chicago.

So please offer a prayer for Eddie and the peaceful repose of her soul at Mass on Sunday, and for her mother, my great-grandma Anna Trudeau Linton, who kept the Faith alive in the family.

And again, Stephanie...THANK YOU!!!

Prayer Request

My heart is...fractured. If I admit it's broken, I will never recover.

Words from an old love letter I received from a dear friend - the man I would likely have married if I had not met the Beloved when I did. Seriously. We had a brief but unforgettable 3 week dating career (after much wearing down on his part) when I was 20 and he was 28 - a HUGE difference back then. He was so urbane, so worldly, so well traveled...and driving an ice cream truck as a summer lark college job like I was in the summer of '88, and waiting tables in a tapas joint so he could go back to Madrid for another year of goofing around before starting on his Master's degree. Me, well, I was swept completely off my feet by the intelligence and wit of this "older man." Yet at the same time, I was in my hard-core upwardly mobile future wife and yuppie wannabe phase in the '80's, and could not take the uncertainty and lack of a steady job. So I put those material concerns first and broke things off badly. Not cruelly, but in the way of a 20 year old in way over her head - unexplained silence. That's when I got the letter quoted above.

Ever the optimistic Irishman, he scaled back and muted his overt pursuit and kept in touch with me over the next several years. We even went on a group expedition deep into Mexico with a bunch of friends, and then he gave into his perpetual wanderlust, joined the Peace Corps, and went to Sri Lanka for two years. I agreed to sit down and "discuss our annoyingly platonic relationship" with him when he returned. (Quote from another, later letter.) "Quien sabe?" (who knows?) I wrote back.

A few months before he came back, I met the Beloved and never once have looked back. I told my friend of the whirlwind courtship and engagement. He was stunned, but congratulated me, and made a point of coming to visit me and meet "the lucky bastard." We met at a mutual friend's house and talked for hours, waiting for the Beloved to be done with work so we could all go out for dinner. In those hours, I saw a huge change - an added calm, gravity, wisdom and maturity in him that was lacking before he left - things he learned after traveling through Sri Lanka and India and witnessing "black holes" of human suffering on Earth. I knew then, as I do now, that if there'd been no blind date with the Beloved, I'd be married and hanging out at a US Embassy somewhere exotic, pretending not to know what my husband did for a living.

After an evening out with my past and my future menfolk, he pulled me aside, gave me a crushing hug, and said "Well done, Princess. I am no match for him, and worse yet, he's so nice, I can't even hate him." We both were teary-eyed. Even after I was married and a mom ("just letting you know you can keep your options open...just sayin'!" with the Beloved sitting right there and cracking up over dinner in Pasadena) we remained connected. I went to law school, he went to UMiami for his PhD in Latin American studies and went to work for the State Department. We've emailed a few times a year ever since.

Well, my dear friend "TK" passed away unexpectedly in his sleep this morning, after a ferocious 6-year battle with "atypical thymic carcinoma." Yep, an evil, rare cancer of the thymus gland. He leaves behind his Beloved wife and a four year old little boy - the baby they never thought they'd have after his diagnosis.

I am sure that wherever TK is, whether he's inside or outside the Pearly Gates, he's surrounded with other joyous, laughing, legendary Chicago Irishmen who didn't grow up until they were 35...listening to Jimmy Buffett, knocking back a few cervezas, and having a great time.

My heart is fractured tonight, too.

Love and will miss you until I see you again, TK.

May Our Lady Of The Rosary meet you with a smile and send consolation to the hearts of your dear family.

Like poking a bruise...

...but I guess bruises on your soul don't fade.

A family member sent me this article from the NYT written by the father of a baby who died in utero, I suppose in solidarity, or maybe to say "I finally get how you've been feeling all these years."

It is a very powerful and moving story, but given the fact that there were tears trickling down my chest by the time I got to the end (you'll see why), I guess I wasn't ready for it.