Thursday, July 23, 2009

HMD #36: Question of the week

If you are a Princess, do you choose to remain with a Beautiful Liar (Beyonce, Beyonce...Shakira, Shakira)...or do you take a chance on a Beautiful Stranger (Madonna, Madonna)???

The Beautiful Liar

More drama with the belaguered Princess/Athlete duo...another spat erupted over the original lying episode. The Princess, whether sadly or luckily, has inherited her mother's cross-examination skills and is now tending to pick apart even the most mundane statements the Athlete makes and stories he tells, because she has a hard time believing him. It is good that she spots these things, but it's not exactly her most endearing trait. She's caught him in some pretty glaring inconsistencies more than a few times. All I can say is that it's a painful process to watch them both go through.

He's not helping matters - the more defensive he gets, the more likely it is that he's not being completely candid or accurate. He admits it eventually, but not before making her feel guilty for not believing him ("I can't believe you think so little of me...") - even when he knows he's not telling the whole truth. She nailed him for being emotionally manipulative as well as dishonest, and rightly so. And so here we are...five days, several dozen roses, countless texts, and scores of profuse apologies later. She remains sequestered in her garret on the 3rd floor, while he stands on his family's hillside across the river, gazing over at our 'hood and missing her.

To his credit, he's recognized that much of this petty dishonesty stems from hiding information from very strict and unyielding parents, and he's making strides by being more open with them, even when it means he isn't allowed to go places he might have otherwise gone under cover of going to a movie with friends, etc. It's a tough behavior to change. He swears he's trying. I hope he's being honest about that, at any rate. However, for now, and perhaps for good, they are on boyfriend-girlfriend hiatus again.

The Beautiful Stranger

In other news, the Royal Grandparents have acquired the teen-yard-slave services of a fine-looking, well-raised, and respectable young man...let's call him Westley....who spotted our Princess (Buttercup?) flitting about barefoot in the garden in one of her cute little sundresses, blonde tresses blown about by the breeze, laughing and chasing her little brother through the beanstalks. (This was a few weeks ago, during the first break-up period.) I was sitting on the porch swing and watched him stop dead in his tracks, crane his head forward...I SAW the poor boy's jaw drop open, but then he recollected himself, turned away (and saw me smirking as he did so), grabbed the rake he'd come out back to get, and practically ran back around to the front of the house to keep working with King Grandpa. We ate dinner, but young Westley remained outside because he hadn't finished his work and didn't want to intrude, despite numerous invitations to join us. When we were done, he came in to check with King Grandpa about the next day's agenda, but fell silent when the Princess came into the kitchen with a stack of plates. She (unaware of his interest in her) smiled, said hello, and offered to prepare him a plate now that he'd finished working. He smiled back and very politely declined, because his mother was holding dinner for him at home...but then clever Queen Grandma mentioned that Princess had prepared one of the side dishes. He promised to try what she'd made when he came back the next day. :)

Apparently he's smitten. He made some discreet inquiries the next day and asked Queen Grandma a number of questions about the Princess, her intereests, her grades, the state of her soul, etc., and then asked King Grandpa for his permission to speak to me about possibly COURTING the Princess, as the Beloved is not here for him to ask properly. Yep. He gets it. He's a hybrid-homeschooler. Another half-Catholic, half [fundamental Baptist of some sort] boy with a very conservative upbringing. Just got done with his high school work a year early and is pondering college vs. enlisting in the USMC when he turns 18. (Former Marine King Grandpa is skipping about with joy and whistling the Marine Corps hymn...Queen Grandma is dropping all sorts of little hints via email and phone call about how gorgeous these two blondes would be as a couple...) He is a very handsome boy, the Royal Grandparents have raved about him and what a good kid and hard worker he is, and the Princess admits he's....interesting. Young Westley confirmed to Queen Grandma that he approves of Princess Buttercup's culinary abilities as well as her overall appearance, demeanor, and toddler-wrangling skills. Queen Grandma heard about the latest "off-again" incident and gave him our home number yesterday. He indicated that he would be making use of it in the very near future.

So the question remains. Should she stand by her Beautiful Liar and hope he does some growing up and character building, or invite the Beautiful Stranger over for a chaperoned dinner or perhaps an ice cream cone outing with the family?

Hard to know....all HeloMom does know is that she needs some Jimmy Buffett-esque boat drinks....


Packrat said...

POOR YOU! Princess is young. She shouldn't yet be tied to one young man until she at least 25 (?). She should dump the liar and let the flirting begin. :)

Kit said...

She IS way too young for anything long-term, and the college/hs thing is hard enough when things are GOOD between the couple.
But...there's a bond there, a sweetness that keeps coming to mind even when things are looking down.

And she's not a particularly flirty girl, really (and that's FINE with me!). She's mostly unaware of the large numbers of boys who like her (at least according to the Athlete, who is large enough and fierce-looking enough to have held them at bay for the most part). She's also loyal enough to truly not have done any looking off to the sidelines while in this relationship. He remarked to me several times that her obliviousness to other boys and devotion to him was one of the most remarkable things about her, and he didn't know what he'd done to be so lucky. :( The idiot. I hope Westley turns out to be as good as he's been built up to be by the grandparents.

Enbrethiliel said...


Hi, Kit. =)

I've been following the HMD for some time now and have always felt too shy to comment; but this time I figured I'd have to stop lurking sooner or later, so why not now? =P

For what it's worth, my vote is for the Beautiful Stranger. Yet I do agree that the Princess doesn't have to rush anything. She sounds like a wonderful, well-balanced girl with a great mom. No matter what happens, I'm sure it will all work out.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

Oh Gawd, I NEED a blended drink just reading this!


Adrienne said...

This whole thing points up why I have become to believe that our current method of "dating" is all wrong and should be abolished.

"Courting" is commenced when someone is in the position to marry and settle down. Before that group outings only.

Princess and the Athlete are wasting an enormous amount of time on angst.

I wish I had never, ever "dated" when I was young, and Catholic's need to wake up and listen to the Evangelicals that push for this old fashioned way of doing things.

While I was teaching RE, it was common to see 13 year old girls with steady boyfriends. And we wonder why the illegitimate birth rate is so high? There are other reasons, of course, but dating doesn't help.

That's my two cents worth.

Kasia said...

Kit, you know I love the Athlete as much as anyone who's followed the HMD; but the boy needs to be smacked into shape before this "creative honesty" becomes a fixed character trait. I would give Westley a chance if I were Princess. NOT that she needs to have EITHER of them in her life, but more because he sounds like a decent young man with his head screwed on right.

I dated a few Beautiful Liars, one of whom was young enough that he theoretically should have been able to change the behavior had he wanted to. He FB'd me shortly after I got onto FB - easily 10 - 12 years after I'd last heard from him - and he was still the same deceitful twerp he'd been in high school.

Athlete will have to really want to change in order to do so, and there will be lots of temptation to fall back into the easy path. Thus it is my firm opinion that he should do his character building BEFORE he is even considered for a possible "last chance" with Princess.

Just the slightly biased opinion of a woman who's known too many liars...

Philangelus said...

She needs to date both of them, being totally honest with both that she's not going to fall in love, but she does want to have a good time doing fun things. That will keep her from getting too attached to either, it will keep her reassured that yes, other men will come along who love her, and it will keep both guys on their best behavior.

The key with that is to be totally above board: No, I can't see you on Friday because I'm seeing him on Friday, but maybe we can go somewhere else on Saturday.

gemoftheocean said...

I agree with Adrienne. In my "mother's day" in the 40s it was much more common for teens to "play the field."

It's too bad that somewhere along the way in the 60s (or perhaps even a bit sooner?) serial "Exclusivity" seems to have become the norm.

LarryD said...

Kit - Harper Publishing just called, saying something about an advance on a HeloMom novel or something...

Kit said...

Larry - I'd have a blast doing something like that - no clue where to start though. And I think my writing is too lawyer-y in some ways and too meander-y in others. Ah, well.

Kit said...

P.S. Westley was away at a family wedding over the weekend. He has not called yet. Not that Princess is sitting at the table doing her Geometry summer school homework with a cordless phone 2 inches from her fingertips or anything.