Friday, February 6, 2009

HeloMom Dispatch #19....Dance of Death?

(See below for update!)
Now, for starters, let Helo Mom 'splain.

Dance of Death is actually a 3-person play written by this dude to the left...a Swedish playwright who suffered from severe bouts of paranoia, schizophrenia, and manic depression. So he wrote this rather dark, scary play about a couple who hate one another celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary - it's a military officer and his wife, stuck alone in a stone garrison/lighthouse on an offshore island somewhere in a presumably frigid northern sea, fjord, whatever. The Beloved and I saw it in the West End back in 2003, with Ian McKellan and Frances de la Tour (Madame Maxime for all you Harry Potter IV fans), celebrating our tenth anniversary. Layers of irony there...

Ok, I'll sum up. The Big Dance is tomorrow night. This is the first really public "outing" for Athlete and Princess. A few of their closest friends have known of their association for some time, but within the past few days, the news leaked to her little pack of rivals, none of whom have dates, and all of whom are tormenting her, name-calling, the works. They plan to go "stag" to the dance. And what will a knot of little snotrags have better to do when they get there than to sit on the sidelines and pick away?

On the other side, she is getting smirked and wolf-whistled-at in the hallways and in the cafeteria by the snarkier older boys, who have decided she must be...ahem..."precocious" in some way (which is rather odd, because they pick on the Athlete for his comparative innocence and pure lifestyle) and so a few of the nastier ones are asking her for her number, asking her to dance with them tomorrow night, etc., all of which mortifies her. She's in full-on distress and wishing she could stay home...after nearly 2 months of planning, shopping, and looking forward to her first formal dance.

AND THEN....there's this. Last night was the second time in three months that they did not speak on the phone. He had a match and did not call afterwards. Even if he does not do well, it is very unlike him not to report in. So this morning I get the following text [purified English added]:

Don't tell [Princess] but I'm going in for xrays this morning. My ankle got torn up last night. I'll let you know what I find out.

Oh dear....

Well, I now know that it is a high sprain, he's in an air cast, and is refusing to use crutches - manly man thing and all that. The news will arrive at school in a limping 6'5" package within the hour, and she will freak out. Our Princess is an inwardly compassionate but outwardly fierce and protective little nurse. She will interrogate, chide, give squinty-eyed reprimands from across the gym, and otherwise will make him suffer far worse than his ankle will, I fear.

Can this dance possibly go well?!?

HeloMom is going to the likker store this afternoon.

More to follow....

UPDATE: I can hardly type, I'm laughing so a distress text from the Wounded Warrior:

Him: Help! She's yelling at me!

Me: I'd say "RUN FORREST RUN" but, well, y'know...

Him: She shunned me & tried to get away by using the stairs

Me: Uh oh, what did you do?

Him: Thanked God for crowded stairs and my elevator pass and met her at the top of the stairs and limped her to her next class...

Honestly, how can a HeloMom (or her faithful readers) NOT love this kid?!?


Angela M. said...

You couldn't pay me enough to go through those years again (me being a teen or me being a mom of one!)

The Digital Hairshirt said...


Do you realize that if you took these Helo Mom Dispatches and fictionalized them a bit, you have a great idea for a literary agent? I think it's time you got to writing!


Joe of St. Thérèse said...

I only went to ::counts on finger:: 1 dance in HS and I was drop dead nervous, since i went with my best friend.

Athlete sounds like me, very very stubborn. I remember when I got in to car accident I did not use crutches.

I'll have to catch in on the report later.

And while I'm on it, I do agree with Digi, this would make an excellent book. I could give it to the Confirmation kids on how to treat a woman :)

Packrat said...

Teenagers! All of them! Yes, you should write a book.

Anonymous said...

I always try to leave comments but somehow it doesn't go through.
I love these stories! Not only are you a great storyteller, but they are the cutest couple going. She gives him a run for his money and he seems like a genuinely good guy.