Friday, March 20, 2009

Helo Mom Dispatch #24 - At Last...

...the Princess has caved and is allowing the Athlete to tell the world that they are an "official" item. The sick nonsense from last week was the last straw - the barn door is open, the cows are everywhere, the pigs are snorting, and the jackasses will continue to bray.*

Why fight it?

So she's decided to paint the barn red and build a fence around it. She invited the Athlete over last night to have a "serious talk" - he was visibly terrified when he showed up - and, after a few terms and conditions were set forth, she told him she was all his and no longer cares who knows about it. He accepted and looked like he was floating...and taller than he already is...when he left. Even HeloMom got grabbed up into a bear hug as he left for home.

Privately, I wonder what will happen at the end of August. It is going to be terrible when he leaves for college.

Pleased but pensive HeloMom...out.

*Yes, that's a snide and nearly literal reference to the relative sizes and characteristics of the pack of girls responsible...and as a well-nourished and outspoken woman myself, I don't make size or b**ch cracks lightly. But when a 200 lb. + kid calls my 119'er "fat" and a sexually active 14 year old accuses my unassailed 15 year old of being an unchaste abortion-haver, well...all bets are off. (See why I keep things relatively anonymous here?)


Joe of St. Thérèse said...

Blessings to the now official (who we knew were already official) couple :))

I should have the e-mail finished by the weekend, time has not been friendly to me.

Packrat said...

As you know, time will sort things out for the Princess and the Athlete. There will probably be tears and a broken heart somewhere along the line.

I truly love your snide remarks - so real and human. Most of the blogs I read are just way too polite. lol Girls have always been unkind to each other, but they seem to be way-off-the-scale-mean now.

Oh, I mentioned to my daughter about your "haunt". She said along with sprinkling Holy Water and saying prayers, tell whatever (whomever) in a polite, but firm voice that it is time to leave. She also suggested you try burning sage like you would incense (can be purchased at an organic food store) and hanging a small bunch of real holly in each room.

I wonder if Oregon grape would work instead of holly? :)

Kasia said...

#1 - congrats to the Princess for (excuse the metaphor) growing such a pair in such a short time;

#2 - all love and joy to both Princess and Athlete in their "officialness";

#3 - re: the f***ing rock, Kit! ** these are my pom-pons and I am cheering you on **, to quote a blog friend of mine.

gemoftheocean said...

What Kasia said:


someone could wave a million dollars under my nose to relive my freshman year and I'd tell him/her to put it where the sun don't shine.

There is no group more snide or bitchier than a group of freshmen girls. This too shall pass.