Saturday, November 1, 2008

Helo Mom 101

11-4-08 Helo Mom Update:

He walked her to her last class, thereby making himself tardy for his own. They talked for 2 hours on the phone last night. Other senior football player boys, who have never taken note of her existence, are suddenly greeting her and being nice to her at school.

Good grief.

The Beloved (who, thankfully, was at work chasing wildlife and tackling an elderly woman who tried to take an unloaded .357 in her luggage last night) has a bulge-y looking vein at one temple, and has refused to allow the poor boy to come over to our house. Ever. Or at least until after they're both out of college.

He has, however, offered to take him hunting. Or fishing. Without witnesses. Very soon.

11-3-08 Helicopter Mom Update:

I am truly not ready for this. I have just discovered and am willing to admit that I lack the requisite maturity and self control to deal with boys courting my daughters. The Football Player promised to call the Cheerleader yesterday, but did not do so until the late evening. She was on pins and needles all day, checking the phone lines, cell phone ring volume, wondering if she'd said something wrong the night before, etc., so we all had to be on pins and needles too, and NO ONE was allowed to say anything about it. The Beloved was exhibiting signs of barely controlled warrior rage - he is extremely unhappy with the entire situation based simply on age. I was ready to kill the kid myself (he's got a full foot on me at 6'5", but I think I could take him) after watching our girl agonizing in silence, but then he called after getting home from work - he's spent the month of October volunteering at a Halloween haunted house/fundraiser for foster kids programs, and last night was the end of it. He really is a good kid. On the other hand, I - someone who you'd normally perceive as being a fairly well-adjusted, intelligent, and slightly amusing 40 year old woman - am a neurotic freak of a mother. This was just ONE DAY. The first of many to come. Lord, give me strength.

Okay. The Cheerleader Princess - a freshman - is being pursued by a Football Player senior. He is a nice kid, nerdy, not at all the "bad boy" type.

But he's a senior.

She's a freshman. A cute, smart, funny, but completely inexperienced, never-been-kissed, got her first-ever phone call from a boy today FRESHMAN.

I am not ready for this. Suggestions?


Joe of St. Thérèse said...

keep the shotgun near by for immediate use.

Fr. Erik Richtsteig said...

All boys have to meet the Gunny before they can talk to the daughter.

Kasia said...

Comparable though not identical situation: when I was in 8th grade I was asked out on a date by a friend of my older sibling who was a junior. Age difference: same. Difference: I was still at the junior high school and he was at high school, so it was easier to nix/control.

My father did not let me go, despite some possible intercession from my stepmother. He was a very clean-cut, nice, wholesome guy, but my dad was determined that the age difference was too significant. And in hindsight, I think he was right. His concern, I suspect like yours, was that there was too big a gap between our (ahem) experience-and-interest levels. (delicate cough) No matter how honorable his intentions may have been, we were in entirely different places emotionally and physically.

I am not sure what to suggest, though, because forbidding it is likely to encourage duplicity (with all that that entails)...

Let us know what you and the Beloved decide...part of me will be cheering either way...darned vicarious tendencies...

Kit said...

Awww c'mon Joe! You're the youth minister, help me out here!!!

Father - he is practicing his war face, polishing his sniper medals, cleaning his hunting rifle, and oiling his chainsaw. (Only one of those is an exaggeration - the medals are on the wall in his retired guy shadowbox...) He is not pleased about this. Not at all.

Kasia - you're right, it's a tough one. On the one hand, hello...SENIOR. On the other, he's almost as naive as she is despite his older age. I've known him for 2 years (he's the judge on her youth court team, she's a prosecutor, I was the team's coach last year), he's a goofy, good-hearted kid, he's from a nice and respectable family...

BUT SHE'S 14!!!

We shall see what transpires over the next few weeks/days/hours. Time is so relative at that age, isn't it?

On a positive note, apparently the subject of promiscuity came up during this initial phone call, as a pair of his fellow seniors are - ahem - expecting, and are planning to name the baby after a fellow football player. Egad. So they discussed what a mess it is, and she indicated that by watching my pregnancy and participating in caring for a baby at home, she was NOT going to put herself in a situation to worry about such things until much later in life, and he agreed with her.

So far, so good.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

No. 14 is the time for "group" dates - there may be a lil' romance, but the company is kept in a group of friends doing things like going to the movies, going bowling,or - like my smart parents did - putting a used pool table in the basement and an old fridge with refreshments so every kid in the neighborhood was down there, more importantly, their own kids (and the other parents knew to call the Martins if they were looking for theirs).

A senior is 17, 18 - old enough to go to war. He should be doing the one-on-one dating thing, and practicing the manly arts of holding a door open for a lady, and coming in to meet her parents, and learning how to budget his money so he can ask a young lady out on a nice, but not over-the-top date.

Bottom line - see ya in at least two years, Forrest.

Kasia said...

I did think of something to help weigh your balance toward the positive. Mere and Pere de Canuque started dating at comparable ages (he was 17, she was 14) and with apparently comparable experience levels (she never dated anyone else, he dated one other girl before, I think). Seven years later, when she graduated from college, they got married. (And had Canuck *more than* nine months after...)

So it can work out well, too. They were an exceptionally good set of people, but I'm sure your daughter is too, and from the sound of it the guy probably is. But I'm glad she's had the baby bro to "reality check" her about...excessive intimacy. ;-)

Angela M. said...

Unless his last name is "Duggar" I would say no.

gemoftheocean said...

Okay, compromise. They get to go out. She MUST be home by 8:30. SHARP.

You might have hubby hand him a copy of rules for dating my daughter.

gemoftheocean said...

Okay, compromise. They get to go out. She MUST be home by 8:30. SHARP.

You might have hubby hand him a copy of rules for dating my daughter.

Kasia said...


But if his last name is Duggar, he's definitely not Catholic. ;-)

(I know - I saw part of that special on them and the whole courtship thing. So sweet!!!)

Mairin :o) said...

I agree with Digital Hairshirt. Make your house the place to hang out. You'll know the kids, where they are and what's going on. Also, keep talking with your daughter. These are hard, hard years if that line of communication isn't open. Group dates until 16 or so. Good luck! It is so hard to see your baby grow up.

the mother of this lot said...

My dear Kit,

Welcome to Round One!! (Just wait till she's still out at three in the morning and you can't get in touch with her 'cos her phone's switched off......)

swissmiss said...

Oh my. Way out of my league here. My daughter is three and I'm already dreading this. I think the boy is a bit old for he's going to have to be a good boy scout and play by your rules if he wants to date her. Your hubby sounds like my father, very sweet and protective...if only other girls were so lucky!

Angela M. said...

Kasia, can you imagine the whole Duggar clan CONVERTING!!!!